The passing of an old friend......

I am grappling with the fact that an old friend of mine committed suicide.  We all hung out in a group in our mid 20's, all friends, all having fun....we all kept contact through the years through each other, and she was very close to another one of our group, so we all kept up with each other....but obviously not enough.

Life had never been easy for her, but she was a beautiful, vibrant and outgoing woman.  She was 42 years old when she decided that life was just too hard.  Life was just too hard.  She was 42.

She organized everything methodically before she passed.  Nothing left to chance, even found a new home for her dog.  She spoke to one of our group, never mentioned a thing.

Now she is gone.  It makes my head spin.  Even though we were not in contact at the time of her death, which I now sincerely regret, I cannot help but think of her and her big laugh back in the day.

Why does she now haunt me?  I feel so bad for her that she was in such a place that she felt that this was the only answer for her.  I am so shocked that it had come to this.

It has also made me realize that life is so short and you just have to go for it.  Who cares if you fail? Whatever you dream, go for it, take life by the balls and say "yeah honey, lets go", because you may not have tomorrow.......I am going to live for the dream, enjoy my life, every minute and go for it because my friend is not here to do it, lost her dreams and herself too.....somewhere along the way.

Been gone a long time....

I used to Blog a lot, but stopped just due to time and not having enough of it....but lately with all that is happening in my life and how busy I am sometimes I just need an outlet....so I have decided to write again....with all my family on the other side of the world and my closest friend, the one I truly trust with anything I tell her, living in Singapore, sometimes I feel very isolated and alone with my thoughts and feelings......even though I am married to a wonderful man, not everything can be understood or shared by him....nor do I expect him to understand how I feel about being so far from my family, especially my niece and nephew whom I do miss as I am not getting to see them grow up.....I think that fact that I have my own son, now makes me realize just what I am missing with them.  It is tough not having any of my own blood here, no sister to go sit and have a chat to, a coffee with, a whinge with about things, small things that sometimes only sisters get.....I do miss her.  My older sister particularly.  And it is not the same over the phone.  Sometimes you just want to drive over and hang out and pot some plants, fold some clothes, just be together and laugh about stupid things.........I have been in the US now for 12 years and I have found it hard to find true friends, I have other women who we talk and share play dates or horse stuff with, but true honest to goodness friend?  No.  It is not easy.