Some Days I Just need to give myself a break

Some days I feel so guilty about everything......

It is really hard to be tough sometimes, to be strict and make my little boy behave himself.....it takes a lot of grit and determination to stand your ground, when your little guy is crying mummy mummy mummy....and you know that you cannot give in because then you are done for......oh but how it weighs on my heart and how it wears me out sometimes emotionally......I talk to other mums and they sometimes say to me "oh, I just cannot be bothered with the fight"....and I get them....I understand......I see the strain and the tiredness in their eyes.......it is hard work to be a good parent. It is not easy. It is easy to be a bad parent. I want to be a good one. I want my little boy to learn the rules and grow up to be a pleasant little boy - just like he is now.....but man that takes work. Once I say no to something I cannot go back, I cannot then turn around and say yes. I am just laying the ground work for more problems in the future if I do. So sometimes, like today, when I have said No, I need to stand my ground and suffer my emotions and just deal with it......

And give myself a break and tell myself that it is OK for me to be upset, that it is not easy and some days are going to be tougher than others.......

Well Hello Sailor!!!  This is a photo of the fleet visiting NYC......spectacular site watching them come up the Hudson River....just something else to see.  Don't you just feel for the mums & dads that serve on these ships?  How they must miss their little ones and miss their families??  How they protect our way of life every day??  How they put themselves in the path of danger so we are all safe and we sleep well at night??  These men and women are so brave.  They deserve nothing but the highest respect from us.  Anyone that dares say anything negative about them should stand in their shoes for a day or so.  Go live their lives.  It is so easy to forget what danger they face every day just so we can go about our every day errands, school, go for that run in the park, go ride your horse, take your kids to a movie...whatever we do.  I salute our troops.  I am in awe of their bravery. 

I thank them for making my little boys world safer.  

This is my horse Joshua.  I called him Josh.  I bred him and broke him and trained him.  He was a wonderful loving, happy, eager to please, fun loving horse....He was a pure Arabian and he won at many many shows.  He was my friend.  During times of extreme darkness in my life he was there.  Always a friendly soft nose in my face....a nudge in my side, a look that would just make me laugh.....I swear I would get to the stables early in the morning for our ride, and during winter, when it was still dark outside, he would be all snuggled up under his blankets and laying down in his stable.  He would absolutely refuse to get up. No joke.  Would not budge.  I mean you could sit on this horse while he was laying down and he would just look at you as if to say "you can sit there all you like but I ain't gettin up"....  If I was late to feed him, he would push his butt up against the stable door so that I could not get in.  He would turn his head just enough so that I could see the disgust on his face.  Do you think he would move this butt???? No.........Not until he was ready.  No slapping that butt would move it.....I would just end up having to laugh.  He was simply teaching me a lesson.   Josh was one of those horses that would gallop up to you in an open field.  You would call him and his head would pop up and his ears would go forward and he would call out to you and come at you at a FULL GALLOP.....hahahahahaha.  It was truely an exercise only for the brave because he would gallop right up to you and then suddenly slam on the brakes so he did not hit you.....He thought this sooooooo funny.  Ah Josh.  When he passed away it broke my heart.  Our pets are our family - Yes??  What would we do without them...He was so wonderful in so many ways......I still miss him today.  Hopefully he is galloping around in a huge sunny field filled with wonderful green grass and lots of other happy horses to play with......oh and maybe a couple of human souls to mess with just for fun.......